Chapters 1 and 2 of "The Lambert Bros. and the Quest for the 12 inch Indy Action Figure"!

Posted by Indiana James (Lambert) from port5.westworld.ca on September 21, 1999 at 06:51:12:

Well, here is the story! Since this is the first day we decided to
give you a special box set of Chapters 1 and 2 together! For the next
week, chapters will be posted one at a time! Happy reading! And, uh,
don't take this story too seriously. : )

The Lambert Bros. and the Quest for the 12î Indy Action Figure

by Brett (Maverick) Lambert and Indiana James (Lambert)

Chapter 1
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada -- June 1999 The Last Day of School

Brett Lambert walked down the hall of St. Francis Xavier High School
trying to get to his next class. Along the way, he saw his good
friend Mike MacLean, in front of him. Mike was a very well-liked
person, one of the most popular students in the school. It seems
unusual that such a cool person like Mike would become friends with a
generally outcasted Brett, but Mike was not a shallow person unlike
most of his friends.

Brett caught up to Mike until he was right beside him.

ėHey Mike!î yelled Brett. ėWhatís up?î

ėOh, hi Brett,î replied Mike, caught by surprise. ėWord! How are you
doing?î

ėOh, Iím fineî

ėGuess what Brett? I found some Indiana Jones stuff for you!î

ėYOU DID?!?î

ėYou bet I did. Come to my locker and Iíll give it to you!î

As the two walked towards Mikeís locker, great excitement swelled
inside Brett. What Indy stuff would it be? How did Mike acquire this
stuff? The suspense was mounting. When Brett and Mike finally
reached the locker, Mike pulled out the stuff. It turned out to be a
Raiders Collectorís Album, a ToD Movie Program, a ToD Poster Magazine,
and two ToD newspaper clippings.

ėWOW! Thanks buddy!î Brett exclaimed. ėJames will be so excited when
I tell him about this. Whereís ya get this stuff anyway?î

ėI stumbled upon all this stuff in my attic, so I decided to give it
to someone who would appreciate it most, and you and your brother are
really huge Indy fans, so I thought Iíd let you two have it!î Mike
explained.

***

After school at home, Brett looked through all the Indy stuff in
amazement. He couldnít believe his eyes. Brett and his brotherís
Indy collection has been rapidly growing in just a few short months.
What they had accomplished in a few months, most Indy collectors would
have taken years.

As Brett leafed through the Raiders Collectorís Album, all of a
sudden, a piece of paper fell out. Brett picked it up and unfolded
it. It was a treasure map. To what? Brett wasnít sure, but he knew
it was something big, and he knew just the person to find out the
meaning of this map.

***

James finally got home from school and was ready for the summer
vacation. As James opened the door, Brett was there waiting for him
to tell James all the great news. He explained everything to James
about the meeting with Mike, and all the great merchandise. James got
all excited.

ėWow, Brett!î James exclaimed as Brett opened up the floorboard, and
brought out the treasure map.

Brett pulled out a yellowed, dog-eared piece of parchment with strange
markings inscribed on it. ėInside the Raiders Collectorís Album, I
found this treasure map. I got the words on the bottom of the page
translated, this is what it means. ëBehold the 12î inch Indy action
figure, for you are the chosen one.î

James winced, ėSounds like an R.L. Stine novel to me, Brett.î

ėJames! Itís the Indy action figure! That $350 action figure that we
canít afford. This could be the ticket to making our Indy collection
complete!î

James looked at the map and nodded.

***

The Lambertís made their way to Warp 1 Comics, a local shop that
carries a lot of Indy merchandise. The two went up to a comic vendor
and asked about the 12î inch action figure. The comic vendor was an
upper-crust British fellow named Muppet.

ėWhat can you tell us about the 12 inch Indy action figure?î James
asked.

ėStories concerning this action figure are rather vague. Very few of
these action figures were made,î explained Muppet. ė95% of them were
later transformed into Han Solo action figures and subsequently sold
to Star Wars collectorís around the world.î

ėWhat about the other 5%?î Brett questioned.

ėA couple of them were played to death by small children, almost
destroying them, and the only surviving action figure --î

ėWas stolen,î Brett interrupted. ėTo this day nobody knows where it
is, right?î

ėThere was a tale of an Indy collector named Kenneth who took a
vacation in India and he visited a secluded Temple and brought along
the Indy action figure,î Muppet continued.

ėIf he had the action figure, where is it now?î James asked.

ėBefore he could abscond with it, he was captured by possessive monks
who therefore worshipped his action figure. He was later sacrificed
to the action figure in a ceremony. Before he managed to attach the
map to a passenger pigeon.î

ėAnd the map that had been found?î inquired Brett.

ėNone that I know of,î answered Muppet.

ėThank you,î Brett said as he whistled in triumph and walked away.

ėThank you very much, Sir Muppet,î James said as he shook Muppetís
hand.

ėNot at all,î remarked Muppet. The Lambertís left, and Muppet shook
his head in relief that the conversation was over.

***

The Lambertís sat down at the kitchen table, analysing the treasure
map.

ėThereís thousands of Templeís in India. Could be anywhere!,î James
said as he mulled over the map.

ėLook in the water. Off the Indian Coast. Could that be the golden
fertility idol?î Brett pointed to a formation on the map that looked
suspiciously like the golden fertility idol from ėRaiders of the Lost
Arkî.

ėYeah it could be, but what does that mean?î James replied.

ėWe have to figure it out! Thatís allî Brett said as he accidentally
spilled his bottle of Mountain dew on the map.

ėOH NO! Jeez!î Brett exclaimed as he attempted to clean up the mess.

James picked up the map and saw that there was some writing not
noticed before.

ėHey look, Brett. Thereís some writing here scratched into the
parchment. Itís in English. You can read it when itís wet. It says:
ėAbove the tomb of Marion Ravenwood, the horses will show you the way
to Lucasfilmís greatest triumph.íî

ėThe tomb of Marion Ravenwood?î Brett asked.

ėYeah, thereís a tomb of Marion Ravenwood in a museum reconstructed in
a Lucasfilm outpost at Alexandria. I read about it in Social class,î
James explained.

ėLucasfilm. We will go to Alexandria. The tomb stone will show us
the way to the action figure,î Brett declared.

ėBrett, this could be just a wild goose chase. It might not amount to
anything,î James replied.

ėI donít think so,î Brett defended. ėJames you are my brother and my
best friend. Letís do this together. One last adventure!î

***

The Lambertís took a plane to New York, and then decided to take a
ship to Alexandria for the scenery.

As the ship docked from the seaport at dusk, the Statue of Liberty
could be seen as they were leaving.

ėWow! What a beautiful sight! The Statue of Liberty,î Brett said in
awe and wonder. ėI can feel the action figure in my hands.
Magnificent!!î

Chapter 2

Later that night, after visiting their cabin and enjoying a meal in
the shipís galley, the two brothers went to the shipís tail end.
James leaned his elbow on the rail and watched the Navy blue water
churn as it was chopped by the shipís propellers. He adjusted the
brim of his Indiana Jones-style fedora.

Brett turned around and looked into the shipís lounge room. There,
several tables of people were playing rousing games of poker.

ėI feel lucky tonight,î Brett said as he pulled out his own deck of
Star Wars playing cards.

ėBrett, donít gamble away all of our travelling money!î James
muttered, the pale moonlight shone on his face a look of concern.

ėRelax, have faith, bro!,î Brett said as he entered the lounge room.

The rest of the boat ride went swiftly, with stops in Lisbon and
Algiers before reaching Alexandria.

Brett and James stepped off the ocean vessel and into the bustling
dock of Alexandria. Merchants, tourists, vendors, escorts, guides and
beggars lined the streets and alley ways.

ėAlexandria. Here we are in Africa!î Brett said excitedly.

ėLetís hope we have good luck,î James commented as he waved away a fly
buzzing near his face.

***

Ten minutes later, as they arrived at the Hotel du Mr. T...

ėExcuse me, could you direct us the the Lucasfilm Outpost?î James
asked the hotel receptionist, a 20-year-old man whose name tag read:
ëSevenwordsí.

ėOh! You must be filmmakers! We have the very best hotel for
filmmakers!î Sevenwords told the brothers excitedly.

ėYeah, we are filmmakers,î James said with a smile. ėFilming the past,
for the Oscarís of tomorrow.î

ėDo you know of Micah Johnson? A very famous associate of George
Lucas.î

ėMicah Johnson? I posted at his Indyfan forum for quite a long time!î
James said excitedly as he signed the hotel form that Sevenwords gave
him.

ėHeís staying with us, too,î Sevenwords said.

ėIs he here now?î James asked as he scribbled something down on the
pen and paper set at the desk.

ėNot at the moment. Everyday he is looking for the real Indiana Jones
4 script.î

ėCould you give this to him?î James asked, holding out a freshly
written message.

ėOf course,î Sevenwords said as he handed James a map. ėIíve circled
the Outpost. Turn left as you head out the door.î

ėOkay! Great! Thank you very much.î

***

Brett and James entered the Lucasfilm Outpost. Standing there in the
doorway, as if to greet visitors, was a life-sized Yoda statue. On
the walls were paintings and production sketches of all the Lucasfilm
classics, including Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, American
Graffiti, and The Phantom Menace.

ėThis is some place!î James commented.

ėYou can say that again,î Brett said.

Brett and James walked over to the nearest employee, a guard standing
beside a glass case with a full scale replica of E.T.-The Extra
Terrestrial. The plaque beneath it read: ėOn loan from Amblin
Entertainmentî.

ėDo you know where the tomb of Marion Ravenwood piece is?î Brett
asked.

ėRight down the hall,î the guard said.

Brett and James walked down the hall and into the room where the
tombstone was being displayed. They took a look at it. Engraved in
the stone was an image of Marion Ravenwood from Raiders of the Lost
Ark. Below it was several lines of dialect written in another
language.

ėThe woman! The woman is the same one from the map!î James said
excitedly.

ėBut what does the writing mean?î Brett asked.

ėI donít know, Iíll have to translate it,î James said. He looked over
and noticed that there was a man sitting down at a table a few feet
away from where they were standing. The man wore a linen down suit
and was taking many drawings of the tablet, his name was Webley.

ėUh... Mr. Johnson, our fellow Indiana Jones collector will be really
impressed if we could translate this,î James said in a tense tone.

ėHuh?î Brett mumbled quietly.

James motioned his head towards Webley. Brett looked at him and
nodded understandingly.

ėOh yes, yes,î Brett said, back turned to the stranger.

Webley, behind them stood up and began to speak.

ėBeautiful isnít it? Lucasfilm is a great company, all the great
movies, I wish I could have been an extra in one of his trilogies.î
The man said in a thick Belgian accent.

ėYeah. Thatís a nice sketch youíve done of the tomb,î James said
pointing to Webleyís personal work table.

ėI am...î his voice trailed off as he walked toward the table, and
then he picked up again, ėan artist! I like to learn very much from
studying other fine work,î Webley said, sitting down at his
workstation.

ėYouíve copied a lot,î James observed.

ėYes, I always see something new,î the Belgian smiled. ėWait a
minute,î Webley said to Brett and James. ėWho grabbed my ass? Did
you just grab my ass?î Webley pointed to James.

Observing that himself and his brother were several feet in front of
the man, James quickly realized that this was a physical impossibility
for him or his brother to grab his ass.

ėNoooo,î James frowned.

ėDo you want to grab my ass?î Webley persisted.

A mortified look crossed Jamesí face. ėNo...î after a few seconds
pause James continued. ėShould I?î

ėNo, I would understand if you did, but let me say that you would be
barking up the wrong tree!î Webley laughed.

ėExcuse me, sir. But could we ask you a favor? Could we borrow two
sheets of paper?î James asked, changing the frightful subject.

ėOf course,î Webley said as he handed them two yellowed sheets of
paper.

ėAnd two pencils!î Brett said.

ėOf course,î Webley repeated as he handed them two pencils.

ėThank you,î Brett and James said in unison.

They both turned around and began to sketch the tombstone.

***

One hour later, at the Hotel du Mr. T...

ėMr. Johnson asked me to bring you over so you could join him for a
cup of tea,î Sevenwords said as he led Brett and James up the stairs
and into the dining room.

ėMake it quick, we have work to do,î Brett said.

Brett and James Lambert walked up the stairs and directly to a table
where two men were seated. They recognized one of them as Micah
Johnson.

ėJames Lambert, is that you?î Micah said as he stood up.

ėWhy, yes it is, sir,î James said extending his hand.

ėItís good to have you here,î Micah smiled as he gave James a firm
handshake.

ėAnd this is my brother, Brett,î James said, introducing his brother.

ėPleased to meet you,î Brett said.

ėAnd this dusty creature,î Micah said pointing to the other man at the
table, ėis Mr. Michaelson, heís an Indiana Jones clothes collector.î

ėSome people like to buy Indiana Jones merchandise, I like to wear
Indiana Jones gear,î Michaelson said, sitting in his wicker chair.

ėWell, anyways, I have a couple alleged Indy 4 scripts that Iíd like
you to look at,î Micah said.

ėReally?! Thatíd be great!î James said excitedly.

After hearing this, Brett shifted in his chair. After realising his
discomfort, James explained.

ėIíd love to, but Brett and I are on business.î

ėBusiness? What sort of business?î Micah asked.

ėWell, itís research, really. We were trying to find out what
Lucasfilmís greatest triumph was,î James said.

ėOh, Michaelson here might be able to help you, heís writing a book on
Indy gear,î Micah said.

ėI would consider LucasFilmís greatest triumph the fact that they made
a fantastic wardrobe for the character Indiana Jones that fans can
collect in a fun way,î Michaelson spiritfully said.

ėWell, weíre thinking more movie wise,î Brett spoke up.

ėOh, well thatís no question,î Michaelson said. ėdefinitely Howard the
Duck!î

ėWhat are you on crack, that was Lucasfilmís biggest blunder!î Micah
scoffed.

ėAre you calling me a crack head?î Michaelson said.

ėYes, Iím calling you a crack head!î Micah barked.

ėAll right, I admit it, Iím acting like a crack head.î

ėWell, what else can you think of?î James asked.

ėHmmm...î Michaelson began to think. ėThereís American Graffiti, that
was a smash hit, with several Oscar nominations. And of course,
thereís the Indy trilogy, it grossed $600 million domestically, and
had many Oscar nods.î

ėDid Lucasfilm ever take a holiday?î Brett asked.

ėYouíre forgetting the Star Wars saga! All 4 films have grossed $1.4
billion dollars domestically. Many Oscar nods, a slough of video
games, books, comics, fruit snacks, toys and posters,î Micah said.

ėStar Wars! That has to be Lucasfilmís greatest triumph!î James said
excitedly, removing his fedora.

***

Brett and James sat in their Hotel du Mr. T room again analysing the
map once again and the drawing of Marion Ravenwoodís tomb.

ėWhat does this drawing have to do with Lucasfilmís hugely successful
Star Wars saga?î Brett asked.

ėI donít even know if thatís the right answer,î James replied. ėFace
it, we donít even know much.î

ėAnd when weíre finished translating, weíll know more,î Brett said.

ėNo we wonít,î James replied. ėThis says the golden fertility is the
key to your dreams.î

ėWhat does that mean?î

ėExactly.î

Brett shrugged in frustration, making his way to the bed.

ėWhat does the Star Wars saga have to do with my action figure?î Brett
asked. ėWhat does the golden fertility idol have to do with my action
figure? Key to my dreams. Ha! Key to my ulcer!î

Brett sat on the bed and held up his beloved E.T. toy.

ėThat does me as much as saying this E.T. is they key to my dreams!î

James looked up with a look of amazement. He took Brettís E.T. and
set it on the map over the golden fertility idol.

ėWhat are you doing?î Brett asked.

ėWhen I lay this E.T. on the idol, the glowing finger extends to
somewhere in India!î James proclaimed.

ėAnd we know that the Temple is in India!î Brett exclaimed. ėWe go to
Bombay!î

ėAh, but the ET doesnít fit. The mapmakers must have used an actual
specific key to pinpoint a location!î James explained. ėWith that ET
we could be thousands of miles away!î

Suddenly the door opened. It looked to be henchman. It was none
other than Short Round and Riggs (aka Indy). The two busted in there
and tore up the place.

ėYAHH! Weíre coming in you buttheads!î Short Round yelled.

ėYeah, our boss wants us to find something you two idiots have!î
Indy/Riggs yelled.

Short Round punched Brett in the face and Riggs kicked James in the
groin. Then Riggs picked up James and threw him across the room,
knocking over the table. The two did not fare well over these two
henchman.

ėYeah, we kicked some ass, dude!î Short Round yelled in pride as he
gave Riggs a high-five.

Next, a third person walked into the room. It turned out to be
Webley. Shorty and Riggs/Indy were working for him. The man who
they saw at the Lucasfilm Outpost was not who the Lambert Bros.
thought he really was. He was an agent of evil! Webley gave the
Shorty and Riggs some money.

ėDude!! Is that all we get, Web-ster?!?î Shorty said gazing upon his
money.

ėYeah! We want full share!î Riggs backed up in agreement.

ėQuit your complaining. Iíll pay you the rest later!î Webley replied.

ėWeíd better, dude! Or youíre gonna pay McFly!î Short Round yelled
imitating Biff from Back to the Future.

Webley took the map from James and put it in his front pocket. Riggs
lifted up James, so that Webley could talk to him eye to eye.

ėI would like to repay you with a kindness!î Webley sarcastically
said, then he slapped James with his backhand really hard. ėBut itís
not in my nature. Ha ha ha!î Webley laughed menacingly.

ėHaha!! Thatís a good one, dude!î Short Round said.

ėYeah!î backed up Riggs.

Webley paid his henchman the other half of the deal. ėThrow them in
the river!!î Webley commanded as he walked out the door with a twisted
smile on his face.

ėYes, dude!!î Short Round commented. ėAnything you say dude!!î

Short Round picked up James and started carrying him to the river.
Before they could even reach the door, James kneed Shorty right in the
face. Shorty screamed in pain and fell down.

ėDUDE!! My Face!! My beautiful face, dude!!!î Shorty screamed.

Then James picked up a chair and hit it right over his body.

Meanwhile, Riggs was attempting to pick up Brett, but he soon turned
around to take care of James. James punched him in the face, sending
him straight to Brett. Brett also punched him square in the face,
then James punched Riggs back. Brett then shoved Riggs against the
wall, and threw him across the room landing on a coffee table,
knocking him out.

ėAre you all right, Brett?î James asked.

ėYes, much better now,î Brett replied.

ėWhereís the map?î

ėHe took it,î James replied. ėThatís the same guy from the Lucasfilm
Outpost. He must have a room to the hotel. Letís find him before he
gets away!î

***

Brett and James looked through Webleyís hotel room, trying to find
evidence of where he ran off to.

Brett found todayís newspaper in the garage, the only item present
among all the furniture.

ėJust a newspaper!î Brett declared.

Brett thumbed through the paper.

ėHey, a page has been torn out!î Brett said.

ėWhich page?î

ėPage 8î

James looked at the index.

ėSteamship timetables!î

***

Brett and James went to the seaport ticket booth to try and find out
where Webley went.

A blue fez-wearing man was present at the booth. He was an
18-year-old man whose name tag read: ėThe Fiddler.î

ėHe couldnít be more than an hour in front of us!î James explained.

ėThe Belgian man whom you describe went on SS Vandemin a half-hour ago
heading east on destination Java,î retorted The Fiddler.

ėDoes it come into port between here and Java?î James asked.

ėPort Said Suez Bombayî

ėWhenís the next boat?î

ėSeven days.î

ëWe canít wait that long!î Brett said.

The Fiddler closed the blinds on the two, but James pushed it back.

ėWhereís the train station?î James asked.

ėArabian Drive.î

***

The Lambertís took the nearest available train to intercept the boat
at Port Said. They were both dressed in Ara

Follow Ups:

• Ooops! Here's the last paragraph again! : ) Indy James 06:56:45 9/21/99 (0)

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